Poker Club

This film would be best seen by people who were drunk. That way you could think it was a better picture. It's not that it is a horrible piece but it is fairly predictable. It reminded me of a puzzle with missing pieces. You know what the picture looks like already but where are those last ones that make it all fit together. Finally the inevitable ending is revealed and the credits roll. I had a problem in telling two of the characters apart. They seemed to be almost one in the same. The title of the film would indicate they needed a full table so one character must have become two. Still compared to most films it at least tried to make itself into something. I rate the film 5/10 stars. It was a very average film.

Gothika

"Gothika" stars Halle Berry in a psychological drama set in a mental hospital. This is not the best caliber of movies but the plot will make you continue to watch. The easy uncomplex storyline is perfect if you are multitasking and watching this movie. Not an all-star film or result but it's alright. Message delivered here with an ok vote for a mediocre film.

I give "Gothika" 5 out of 10 stars.

Ghost Town

"Ghost Town" is a romantic comedy which is very entertaining and well worth picking up. It would likely make a great movie to watch with your loved one. The plot and film are very well done. There are some memorable scenes that will make you smile even after watching the film. Yes it could have been done better but not a bad night if this is your movie of choice.

I give it 8 stars out of ten. Pick up a copy and give it a shot.

The Eye

Jessica Alba stars as a blind character who is given some spooky eyes. Thats the main premise of this Jap turned Amo film. I didn't care for the story, the acting, the dialog or the need to make this film. Why? I mean how many times have haunted organs served as the vehicle for a horror movie? Well nothing really need be added.

The movie gets 3 stors out of 10. No need to watch it as there are much better films available.

Shutter

Many horror films of today originate overseas in Japan and then are adapted for English audiences. I guess we need to see our own "stars" get splattered. The movie "Shutters" is one such film. Although set in Japan the english speaking actors dominate the film. At times the movie works and at other times it falls flat. The dialog and story seem to enter periods of lulls. Finally the story continues on for a few entertaining moments. This movie would have been much better if it were only 30 minutes long. It was a bit predictable but still had a few things which were not anticipated. I would say watch if if you get a chance but if not no big deal.

"Shutter" get's 6 stars out of 10.

The Fog

"The Fog" was penned by Steven King. Thats about all you can say that would make you want to even think about watching the movie. Fog rolls in and bad things happen. Ooooo scary.....NOT! Avoid this movie and save your time for another film. I will give the film 2 stars only because there were a few good effects, emphasis on the word "few".

Ghost Ship

Ghost Ship starts off with a very memorable scene and then falls down like a corpse. There are a few twists and turns. Ok, maybe one actually. The characters derisive nature tend to isolate them from wishing their survival. Instead I found myself cheering each death. The realization we were closer to the end of the movie was more than enough reason to be thankful for the loss of a character. The movie has a lot of holes if you look from afar. I believe even seeing the story unfold with two six packs inside would not erase the mistakes. I expected a large dog to pop his head out at anytime and wail the memorable line, "It's Scooby Doo!" Instead the dog lifted its leg and let loose on this horrible not horrific film. I kept thinking they were trying to do a remake of "Alien".

I give "Ghost Ship" 3 stars. It deserved less but I have seen worse movies so I will reserve the lower scores for those.

6th Sense

Everyone has likely seen the one scene or line delivered by a young boy, "I see dead people." This memorable libe is from the film "The Sixth Sense". I found the movie entertaining and well worth watching. I waited for the film to be on a DVD rather than broadcast TV and enjoyed the experience. The plot line was engaging, the story's pace and dialog were well crafted. The acting was superb and deserving of praise. Simply put watch it and enjoy yourself. I also congratulate the director for not making a sequel of the film (fingers crossed). Movies should be their own entities able to stand alone without a second or third film sucking the life out of a film.

This movie gets nine out of ten stars. Should a sequel is ever made then subtract one star.

Blade 1 2 3 goodbye!

Blade is an action movie starring Wesley Snipes as a vampire hunter. This movie is part of a DVD containing 6 Snipes movies including all 3 Blade movies. This review will contain Blade 1, Blade 2 and Blade 3. My wife Anna and I watched these over the course of a few nights.

The first Blade movie I can recommend. The first 2 Blade films have a campy feel to them. These first two movies in the series don't take themselves too seriously. No doubt this approach helped to make the series successful in theaters. The third movie is different from the previous two Blade movies. It seems to be poorly written with scenes that should have been dumped before making it to film. Too late let's leave them in must have been the motto for the third movie entitled "Blade Trilogy". Is this the end of Blade? Of course not, they will make a fourth film as soon as Snipes gets out of jail. (Pay those taxes next time Wesley).

At times it is funny to watch snipes in some scenes as he becomes a black Kung Fu artist rivaling those of the 1970's film era. At other times you just want the fight to end so the movie will move on. Some scenes show the idiocy of his fighting skills and capitalize on it with jokes. We see in the third Blade movie professional wrestling incorporated into scenes killing the series even more. If you get into fake wrestling moves I would bet you will be entertained, if not you can pass on the third Blade movie without losing any sleep. In fact your mind will thank you for not popping the movie into the player. Blade 3 can likely put you to sleep so have some caffiene ready.

After consulting with my wife Anna on a scale of one to ten Blade 1 gets six stars (slightly entertaining), Blade 2 gets five stars (too predictable) and Blade 3 gets three stars (You will ask, "Why am I watching this crap?"). None of these movies need to ever be rewatched. Thank god my friend bought these for less than a dollar.

Movies HD, DVD and otherwise

I have been watching movies since I was five years old. After several dozen years I am prepared to review films, and mock Hollywood. Stand back now as I begin this journal into contemporary films. While some of cinema may be appealing so much of it is utter crap.

 The process will be simple. 

I will watch a black market version of the film and then review it. This way I won't feel the need to give a good review to some piece of crap because I paid a large sum of money for it. Alternatively I will not hesitate to say what I do like in a given film just because it went straight to DVD.

Black market you say?

That's right. I watch them at a friend's place. I would never think of buying some of these crappy films which will be reviewed here. In fact, the studios owe us all money for wasting our time watching them. 

My friend goes to the local marketplace where someone can buy movies 3 for 100 pesos. (That's about 66 cents each.) There are DVD's now which have up to 9 films packed on one disc selling for 45 pesos if you can bargain the seller down in price.  I watch the films at their place and then come home to review them here. I don't think it's against the law to knowingly watch bootlegged movies....yet.  

Physical quality of the movies

These underground versions are generally as good as the ones you buy on DVD for full price. My friend purchases them but before paying asks they be played on a DVD player. I went one time as it is fascinating to see stall after stall of illegal pirated movies on display for all to see and purchase. Each disc purchased is scanned and the sound plus visual quality checked right there before they are taken home. Should one have a problem the vendors will take them back and exchange them no questions asked. 

Most of the discs will be wrapped in original artwork but are without a hard outer plastic cover. Instead thick cardboard and professional quality printing will wrap around the discs. Each will be enclosed in a thin plastic flexible case. In a way these are more environmentally friendly than the original versions. 

The movies have multiple language subtitles which the viewer can choose from while watching the movies. The movies do not contain the added extras found in the final version. Most movies are released about the same time as they come out in the theaters. All it takes is one version leaking out and it will be quickly pressed to disc in China for the masses. Some versions are quite laughable too. Crank 2 had a version with a handheld camera. The effect made it look like you were  watching an old film from the 1960's. No problem throwing that in the trash. 

Another film Xmen:Wolverine was available a few weeks before it was released in the theaters. The version I saw was not completely polished and provided some laughs. 

"Are those wires on the actors?" 

"Lousy special effects."

"That is a gray computer rendering of the scene isn't it?"

Indeed it was! The version we saw must have been lifted while still undergoing some of the special effects. No doubt it was printed up, viewed, and a decision made if that was how they wanted it to play out. A "no"answer would have meant it could be retooled a different way with minimal cost wasted on the previous version. So was what we saw close to the final version? I'll let you know when it appears on HBO. 

They may not be the release version?

Yes exactly. That's the only out some of these horrible movies have going for them. But I ask you if you have ever taken a crap and it smelled good. Ever? Right. So if it smells in one version it smells in another. Guaranteed. 

One more funny thing to note

The black marketers picked up on the popularity of Blu-Ray and HD DVD discs. These discs are in high definition quality and allow the user to see things in much greater detail than normal DVD discs. HD DVD and Blu-Ray had a format war eventually lost when HD DVD went out of favor.  There was a fast buck to be had so one marketer said his movies were HD quality and another vendor followed suit. The only way for each to stay in business was to play along with it as if they were of such high quality. 

Today counterfeiters now state all of their discs are Blu Ray. You can still find a few HD DVD discs tucked towards the back of their counters but vendors have switched over almost exclusively to showing blue bands and swirling logos when trying to sell their movies in the stalls. I watch some movies and wonder myself if they are in fact in HD. The quality is that good.

I had to tell my friend that the Blu Ray discs they have are actually DVDs and how their player could not play the HD type of disc. After several minutes of discussion my friend finally accepted the fact they had been buying regular DVD movies. I consoled them by saying the detail is still extraordinary. The movies are of great quality despite their dusky origins.