Movies HD, DVD and otherwise

I have been watching movies since I was five years old. After several dozen years I am prepared to review films, and mock Hollywood. Stand back now as I begin this journal into contemporary films. While some of cinema may be appealing so much of it is utter crap.

 The process will be simple. 

I will watch a black market version of the film and then review it. This way I won't feel the need to give a good review to some piece of crap because I paid a large sum of money for it. Alternatively I will not hesitate to say what I do like in a given film just because it went straight to DVD.

Black market you say?

That's right. I watch them at a friend's place. I would never think of buying some of these crappy films which will be reviewed here. In fact, the studios owe us all money for wasting our time watching them. 

My friend goes to the local marketplace where someone can buy movies 3 for 100 pesos. (That's about 66 cents each.) There are DVD's now which have up to 9 films packed on one disc selling for 45 pesos if you can bargain the seller down in price.  I watch the films at their place and then come home to review them here. I don't think it's against the law to knowingly watch bootlegged movies....yet.  

Physical quality of the movies

These underground versions are generally as good as the ones you buy on DVD for full price. My friend purchases them but before paying asks they be played on a DVD player. I went one time as it is fascinating to see stall after stall of illegal pirated movies on display for all to see and purchase. Each disc purchased is scanned and the sound plus visual quality checked right there before they are taken home. Should one have a problem the vendors will take them back and exchange them no questions asked. 

Most of the discs will be wrapped in original artwork but are without a hard outer plastic cover. Instead thick cardboard and professional quality printing will wrap around the discs. Each will be enclosed in a thin plastic flexible case. In a way these are more environmentally friendly than the original versions. 

The movies have multiple language subtitles which the viewer can choose from while watching the movies. The movies do not contain the added extras found in the final version. Most movies are released about the same time as they come out in the theaters. All it takes is one version leaking out and it will be quickly pressed to disc in China for the masses. Some versions are quite laughable too. Crank 2 had a version with a handheld camera. The effect made it look like you were  watching an old film from the 1960's. No problem throwing that in the trash. 

Another film Xmen:Wolverine was available a few weeks before it was released in the theaters. The version I saw was not completely polished and provided some laughs. 

"Are those wires on the actors?" 

"Lousy special effects."

"That is a gray computer rendering of the scene isn't it?"

Indeed it was! The version we saw must have been lifted while still undergoing some of the special effects. No doubt it was printed up, viewed, and a decision made if that was how they wanted it to play out. A "no"answer would have meant it could be retooled a different way with minimal cost wasted on the previous version. So was what we saw close to the final version? I'll let you know when it appears on HBO. 

They may not be the release version?

Yes exactly. That's the only out some of these horrible movies have going for them. But I ask you if you have ever taken a crap and it smelled good. Ever? Right. So if it smells in one version it smells in another. Guaranteed. 

One more funny thing to note

The black marketers picked up on the popularity of Blu-Ray and HD DVD discs. These discs are in high definition quality and allow the user to see things in much greater detail than normal DVD discs. HD DVD and Blu-Ray had a format war eventually lost when HD DVD went out of favor.  There was a fast buck to be had so one marketer said his movies were HD quality and another vendor followed suit. The only way for each to stay in business was to play along with it as if they were of such high quality. 

Today counterfeiters now state all of their discs are Blu Ray. You can still find a few HD DVD discs tucked towards the back of their counters but vendors have switched over almost exclusively to showing blue bands and swirling logos when trying to sell their movies in the stalls. I watch some movies and wonder myself if they are in fact in HD. The quality is that good.

I had to tell my friend that the Blu Ray discs they have are actually DVDs and how their player could not play the HD type of disc. After several minutes of discussion my friend finally accepted the fact they had been buying regular DVD movies. I consoled them by saying the detail is still extraordinary. The movies are of great quality despite their dusky origins.